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What is new relationship energy or NRE?

New relationship energy (NRE) is a term commonly used in polyamory to describe the intense excitement, passion, and emotional high that often occurs when forming a new relationship. This phenomenon is particularly noticeable in the early stages of a relationship, when an individual is swept up by the novelty and intensity of their growing bond with a new partner. The feelings of euphoria and emotional engagement can be incredibly powerful, sometimes overshadowing other existing relationships.

NRE is a natural and common experience in polyamorous dynamics, but it can come with some challenges. It’s important to understand that NRE doesn’t necessarily mean that an individual is intentionally neglecting their other partners. Rather, it’s a sign of the excitement of starting something new and the emotional energy that comes with it.

What happens during New Relationship Energy?

During the early stages of a new relationship, individuals may experience a heightened sense of joy, infatuation, and attraction towards their new partner. This is often referred to as the "honeymoon phase" in monogamous relationships but can be even more pronounced in polyamory, where multiple connections are happening simultaneously. This phase may involve:

  • Increased time and attention: People experiencing NRE often find themselves wanting to spend a lot of time with their new partner, texting, calling, or even prioritising their new relationship over existing ones.
  • Strong emotional highs: The intensity of the emotions in a new relationship can feel intoxicating. This emotional high can make it challenging to maintain balance and focus on existing relationships.
  • Physical attraction and bonding: NRE can be characterised by intense physical chemistry, which can lead to a desire for closeness and physical touch with the new partner.

While the feelings of NRE can be exhilarating, they can also create challenges for those in polyamorous relationships, particularly when it leads to unintentional neglect of existing partners.

The challenges of NRE in polyamory

One of the common challenges of NRE is that it can unintentionally lead to the neglect of existing partners. This is not usually a result of malice but rather the overwhelming nature of the new relationship. When someone is swept up in the excitement of a new connection, they may unintentionally forget about or fail to give as much attention to their other partners. This can lead to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, or neglect for those partners who are not the focus of the NRE.

It's important to recognise that this dynamic is common and should be approached with empathy. Partners who are not caught up in NRE may feel hurt, but understanding that it’s a phase of intense emotional experience can help mitigate some of the feelings of abandonment or resentment.

However, it's essential that communication remains open during this period. Healthy polyamory relies on transparency, so all parties involved understand what is happening and can manage their expectations. Setting aside time for existing relationships and checking in with partners can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure that everyone’s needs are still being met.

How to manage NRE respectfully

While NRE can be a natural and exciting part of polyamory, it’s crucial to balance the excitement of the new relationship with the needs of existing partners. Here are some strategies for managing NRE while maintaining respect for all relationships involved:

  1. Communication is key: Open, honest, and regular communication with all partners is vital. Ensure that everyone understands the dynamics of the new relationship and express how you’re feeling, including the excitement of NRE.
  2. Check in with your existing partners: Make time for your existing relationships and regularly check in with those partners to ensure they feel valued and secure. This helps prevent feelings of neglect from arising.
  3. Set aside dedicated time: Designate time to spend with each partner individually, ensuring that all relationships are nurtured, not just the new one. This helps create balance and shows that you value all your connections equally.
  4. Practice empathy: Understand that NRE can be a challenging experience for those who are not the focus of your excitement. Be empathetic towards their feelings and work together to find ways to manage the transition in a way that honours everyone involved.
  5. Be patient: Recognise that NRE is often temporary and can subside over time. Allow for the intensity of the experience to pass naturally while continuing to nurture your other relationships.

Wrap-up

New relationship energy is a common and natural part of polyamorous relationships, characterised by a surge of excitement and passion when beginning a new connection.

While it can be thrilling, it also has the potential to unintentionally neglect existing partners. Practising open communication, empathy, and respect for all parties involved can help manage the challenges that come with NRE, ensuring that all relationships are nurtured and supported.