What is non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy is an umbrella term that refers to relationship styles where individuals have romantic or sexual relationships with more than one person at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It challenges the traditional model of monogamy, where one person is expected to fulfil all emotional and physical needs within a romantic relationship.

Non-monogamy is about the freedom to explore relationships outside of the conventional “one person, one partner” model. It can include a wide variety of relationship structures, such as polyamory, swinging, open relationships, and more. Each form of non-monogamy has its own set of rules and practices, but they all share a common foundation of consensual, ethical behaviour.

Types of non-monogamy

There are many types of non-monogamous relationships, each with its own unique practices and boundaries. The most common types include:

Polyamory: Polyamory involves having multiple loving, romantic, or intimate relationships at the same time, where all partners are aware of and consent to the arrangement. Relationships can be hierarchical (primary, secondary, tertiary) or non-hierarchical, and they prioritise emotional and romantic connections.
Open relationships: An open relationship typically refers to a couple who is in a committed relationship but has agreed to pursue sexual or romantic relationships with others. Open relationships can vary in how strict or flexible the rules are regarding external partners.
Swinging: Swinging is focused on sexual exploration, where couples or individuals engage in sexual activities with others, usually in a recreational or casual context. It’s typically more sexually oriented than polyamory or open relationships, which may prioritise emotional connections.
Relationship anarchy: Relationship anarchy is a philosophy that rejects traditional relationship structures. It emphasises autonomy, fluidity, and the idea that relationships should be based on mutual care and respect rather than predefined rules or labels.

Why do people choose non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy can be a fulfilling choice for many people, as it offers freedom, flexibility, and opportunities for personal growth. Some of the reasons people choose non-monogamy include:

More fulfilling relationships: Non-monogamous individuals often seek deeper emotional or physical connections that may not be possible in monogamy. They may value the opportunity to build meaningful connections with multiple partners and explore different aspects of intimacy.
Less pressure on a single relationship: In non-monogamous arrangements, there’s often less pressure for one partner to meet all emotional, social, and sexual needs. This can allow for more balanced and less stressful relationships.
Increased personal freedom: Non-monogamous people value their personal autonomy and the freedom to explore relationships outside traditional constraints. This can lead to more authentic self-expression and growth.
Breaking societal norms: For some, non-monogamy is a way to challenge and move beyond the restrictive norms of monogamy that have dominated many cultures for centuries. Non-monogamy allows people to embrace their sexual and emotional desires without guilt or shame.

Key principles of non-monogamy

While non-monogamous relationships can vary greatly, there are several core principles that are typically present in all forms:

Consent: All parties involved in a non-monogamous relationship must consent to the terms and conditions of the relationship, the types of relationships involved, and how time and energy will be divided.
Communication: Open, honest, and ongoing communication is crucial to maintaining healthy non-monogamous relationships. Regular check-ins, clear boundaries, and discussing emotional needs and desires help ensure that all partners are on the same page.
Respect: Mutual respect is essential for all parties involved in non-monogamous relationships. Respecting each other’s feelings, boundaries, and time helps maintain trust and harmony.
Boundaries: Setting and respecting boundaries is essential in any relationship, but it becomes even more important in non-monogamous dynamics. Clear boundaries around time, affection, sexual behaviour, and emotional involvement help ensure that everyone’s needs are met without overstepping limits.

Misconceptions about non-monogamy

Many people have misconceptions about non-monogamy and some of the more frequently asked questions are:

Is non-monogamy just about sex?

No, non-monogamy is not just about sex. While some forms, such as swinging, may focus more on sexual experiences, non-monogamy can also include emotional and romantic connections. Polyamory, for example, is centred around love and emotional intimacy with multiple partners.

Can non-monogamy work for everyone?

Non-monogamy is not for everyone just as monogamy does not work for everyone. Some people may prefer the structure and time stability of monogamy. It’s important to have honest conversations about your desires and boundaries to determine if non-monogamy is right for you.

How do you deal with jealousy in non-monogamy?

Jealousy exists in all relationships and it can be challenging in non-monogamous relationships, but it can be managed through communication, emotional awareness, and mutual support. Open discussions about insecurities and triggers can help reduce jealousy and foster understanding.

What are the benefits of non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy can offer many benefits, such as increased personal freedom, deeper emotional connections, and the opportunity to meet a variety of needs in different relationships. It also allows individuals to break free from societal norms and create relationship structures that work best for them.

Non-monogamy is a diverse and flexible approach to relationships that allows individuals to form multiple, consensual connections based on their desires and needs. Whether through polyamory, open relationships, or swinging, non-monogamous relationships prioritize communication, respect, and consent. By embracing non-monogamy, many people find greater emotional fulfilment, personal freedom, and deeper connections with others.

If you're interested in exploring what relationship style may fit you, consider taking my polyamory relationship quiz, check out my books or return to explore the FAQ.