What is compersion?

Compersion is a term used in polyamory to describe the feeling of joy or happiness when a partner experiences love, pleasure, or fulfilment with someone else. It is often compared to the opposite of jealousy, though the two emotions can coexist.

For example, if Alex feels happy knowing that their partner Sam had a wonderful date with Jordan, that feeling of joy is compersion. It’s similar to feeling proud of a friend’s success or celebrating a loved one’s happiness.

How compersion develops

Compersion isn’t automatic—it often develops over time. Factors that contribute to experiencing compersion include:

• Secure attachment – Feeling confident in your relationship reduces fear of loss.
• Emotional self-awareness – Understanding your own needs and boundaries helps separate personal insecurities from external events.
• Trust and communication – Strong relationships built on honesty and respect foster a sense of security.
• Positive association – Seeing a partner happy can reinforce the idea that love is abundant, not scarce.

Compersion and jealousy: Can they coexist?

Yes. Compersion and jealousy are not mutually exclusive. You might feel happy that your partner is enjoying another relationship while also struggling with insecurity, fear, or sadness. Both emotions are valid and can be explored without judgment.

Jealousy often stems from unmet needs, insecurity, or past experiences, while compersion comes from a place of security and emotional generosity. Recognising both can help you navigate complex feelings in polyamorous relationships.

How to cultivate compersion

If you struggle with compersion, consider these steps:

1. Acknowledge your emotions – It’s okay to feel jealousy, sadness, or fear. Identifying these emotions helps address them.
2. Reframe the situation – Instead of seeing a partner’s happiness as a threat, view it as a positive experience that enriches their life.
3. Strengthen your relationship – Focus on your own connection with your partner instead of comparing relationships.
4. Practice self-care – Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment, independent of your relationships.
5. Celebrate your partner’s happiness – Try shifting your perspective to see their joy as something that benefits both of you.

Is compersion required in polyamory?

No. While many polyamorous people find compersion rewarding, it is not a requirement. Some individuals may never experience it, and that’s okay.

Not feeling compersion doesn’t automatically mean you are jealous or struggling with polyamory. You may simply feel neutral about your partner’s other relationships, which is completely valid. Some people experience emotional indifference—they neither feel joy nor distress about their partner’s other connections.

Rather than focusing on whether you feel compersion, it can be more helpful to focus on how you feel overall in your relationships. As long as you and your partners communicate openly, respect each other’s needs, and maintain a sense of security, your emotional response—whether compersion, neutrality, or something else—does not determine the success of your polyamorous relationships.

Wrap up

Compersion is a unique and fulfilling emotional response in polyamory, allowing people to find joy in their partner’s happiness. While not everyone experiences compersion, developing emotional security, trust, and a positive mindset can help cultivate it over time.